If only they'd let me pick the categories...
[This is an edited re-post from a prior Substack post on November 7, 2025.]
First one back! I temporarily suspended this weekly humor column/author newsletter while working to meet an already re-scheduled book deadline. And while I did make my goal, it wasn’t all fun and games in the earlier part of October. But once I made a massive improvement to my outline, I was able to get the final 51,000-ish words of my coming book (more on that down in Author Stuff, below) written in about two weeks. But…
I’m a fat guy with a fat guy’s bad back, so a couple of times per day, I needed to escape the desk and gamer’s chair for a moment or twelve in the recliner. And that’s when I discovered Peacock has “Jeopardy.” And as evidence to that, you’ll notice I now DON’T spell it “Jeapordy.” 🤣 I’ve found it is easy to recall the correct spelling, now, because it rhymes with “leopard-y” which I plan on using in a future life-and-death rap-battle against my grandson.
I digress…
Peacock lets you watch the most recent five or six episodes, but they also have dozens of episodes from seasons prior. Mostly those are “Tournament of Champions” and other special edition shows. But it’s been a great little trip down (not-so-reliable) memory lane while watching an episode or two when taking desk breaks. And I also learned this little interesting nugget of trivia: current host and professional Mormon Ken Jennings has the personality of a frozen Siberian tundra mammoth. [Nope! Not a dig on LDS; one of our besties in Maryland is Mormon.] And if you identify as a mammoth, I’m sorry to have used you as a comparison bar. But nothing drives home his blandness quite as well as watching the dearly departed Alex Trebek in reruns. And if you’re not aware, Alex’s last name is French for “Very Bek.” Alex truly was the master-level host, despite his handicap (born in Canada. 😉)
I’m not a student of French, as so often demonstrated by my wrong guesses (re: any categories involving France, wine, cooking snails, people who surrender without a shot…) while watching the show. After all “What are French Fries/Toast/Kisses?” are not realistically appropriate answers to clues like “These wine-making grapes grow year-round in the Bordeaux region of France.”
I can sometimes hold my own while guessing, but I have a feeling if I fired up the ol’ interior security camera and re-watched video of me re-watching old episodes, I might keep some statistics and find out I’m not as great at Jeopardy as I think I am. Unless… the categories are just right. Which gives me a flashback to the movie “White Men Can’t Jump.” (The OG version, not that remake from a couple of years ago that I had to turn off after twenty minutes.)Rosie Perez’s character studies the weirdest of weird trivia, and then wins Jeopardy when all of those are the categories during her big shot at the title.
This led me to have a conversation with myself, which—though often bland or a bit scary—can, at times, be humorous.
Me: “What if I went on Jeopardy?”
Also Me: “Just—just stop. You’re scaring us.”
Me: “Seriously! If the categories were right, I’d kill it!”
Also Me: “Okay, genius. Like what?” (I cross my arms and put one foot up on the wall I’m leaning against in my head, interested in seeing where this goes.)
Me: “Well, you know how Jeopardy likes to get clever in blending things when naming a category…”
Also Me: “Oh, boy…”
Me: “How about one called ‘Wake Me Up Before You The Go-Gos’?” 😁
Also Me: 🫤 “This is worse than I thought. You think The Go-Gos biggest hit should have been called ‘We Got Big Feet’.”
Me: “Name any piece of music trivia from the 80s. Or movie trivia. Or something about World War II. They should just go ahead and make the check out to me already.”
Also Me: “Hmmm… Name any pop star with a Top 10 hit from the last two decades.”
Me: “You weren’t listening… Our wife says we never listen, and I’m starting to see it, now…”
Also Me: “Literally ANY singer or group, from any category, with a hit in this century! Go!”
Me: “Taylor Sheridan!”
Also Me: “I realize you’re thinking of that Kansas City Chiefs cheerleader, but Taylor Sheridan is actually a TV producer. And a rancher. And our age.”
Me: 😤 “Okay, there’s more than just pop culture.”
Also Me: “Dazzle me. Let me hear this Mensa-level second category you know by heart.”
Me: “Okay—American History!”
Also Me: “I’ll give you that, but it’s low-hanging fruit; and there are twelve categories in both rounds. Wanna try something more difficult?”
Me: <Huffs in annoyance> “Okay… shoot.”
Also Me: “This complex is named after a mythical Greek King of Thebes who killed his father so he could marry his mother.”
Me: “Who is Sigmund Freud!” <Beams proudly>
Also Me: “No, it’s—wait! What? How’d you—? The answer is Oedipus! Idiot!”
Me: “You shouldn’t call yourself an idiot. Self-talk is a real thing in 2025.”
Also Me: Pushes off wall. Walks into the foggy void, shaking my head.
Like Jeopardy? Comment and let me know what categories you would kick serious butt in!
